Social Skills Lesson Week 2 & 3
Setting and Respecting Boundaries
First Day Social Skills Lesson (Week of March 30th)
Boundaries are the guidelines, rules, and limits each person has for themselves to keep them safe, healthy and respected. We are covering this topic to support you to develop skills to have healthy, and equitable relationships that are free from violence.
On your paper write the following (attached form worksheet): What are a boundaries?
https://drive.google.com/open?id=1qQrLcH4cvDMUWpz8Ph_82dWge-J3Xm3r
(Examples of personal boundaries and examples of boundaries being crossed)
Create a chart with examples of personal boundaries as well as examples of boundaries being crossed.
The examples do not have to be your own personal boundaries, just ones you can think of. Your paper might look similar to the chart below.
Boundaries and Boundary Setting Chart Brain Storm: What is a boundary?
Examples of Personal Boundaries Examples of Boundaries Being Crossed for what are boundaries section of the chart:
What is a boundary? – a line, a limit of subject you are willing to talk about or a limit of things you are willing to do.
Examples of boundaries:
· “I want to hear about your day. I’ll be free to give you my full attention in 15 minutes.”
· “I’m not willing to argue with you.”
· “I will hang out with you, but I will not gossip about other people.”
· “I really enjoy holding your hand while walking together, but I don’t want to kiss you when we say good bye.”
· “I like you but I don’t enjoying hugging people, please stop asking for hugs.” For the Personal Boundaries Section of the Chart: Examples of boundaries we set:
· Physical contact, (i.e. I don’t like to hug people unless I know them well)
· Keeping your personal space (i.e. I don’t like it when people I don’t know touch me or get really close to me or I prefer that someone asks to borrow my things before taking them)
· Language (i.e. I prefer to not use cuss words when talking to people).
Boundaries Crossed Section of the Chart:
Examples of boundary crossing:
· Bring up physical contact (i.e. someone I didn’t know well came up to me and hugged me)
· Keeping your personal space (i.e. someone touches your arm to get your attention or someone takes part of your lunch without asking) and
· Language (i.e. someone starts using cuss words to talk about another person while you are hanging out with them).
It’s important to acknowledge that what is acceptable as safe or personal space is different around the world. In some cultures it’s polite to always make eye contact when talking to someone in other cultures it’s polite to not make eye contact when talking to someone older or in a position of authority. What’s important in this case is to let others know when they are crossing a personal boundary with you and respect if someone else lets you know that you have crossed their comfort for personal boundaries. Each person will have a different personal boundaries – which is okay! Everyone’s boundaries are valid and need to be respected.
Second Day Social Skills Lesson Week of April 6th
Setting and Respecting Boundaries Worksheet Activity 20 minutes: https://drive.google.com/open?id=19h-lvEe1vSRmj3jmgxSnq8iRs_ug4Q05
Everybody has his or her own set of boundaries. It is their right to set those boundaries and for those boundaries to be respected. As you start to date, the issue of boundaries is going to come up around sex and sexuality which can make them more sensitive but still important to discuss.
You add to the chart: Cat calling, Sending unsolicited Snaps of someone’ sex organs, Human trafficking, An adult family member expects a hug or a kiss and you don’t feel like hugging or kissing that person, Sexual assault also known as rape, Sending ‘DMs’ (DM is short for a direct message that are sent through Instagram) to people you don’t know to tell them they are “hot” or proposing to have sex.
Examples of effective communication might include: “Be clear,” “Stop when someone says no,” “Be direct but try not to be mean about it, etc.
You just developed a really great list of effective ways to communicate boundaries. Now, we are going to take a deeper dive into the scenarios to think about what makes it hard to set boundaries sometimes. That way, we can feel more prepared when we get an opportunity to either set our own boundary or learn about someone else’s.
Discussion questions with an adult in your home:
- What messages have you seen in the media about boundaries?
- For example, how do see men respecting or not respecting women’s boundaries in the media?
- How do the messages you receive from the media influence how you or the people you know set or respect boundaries?
- What can be hard about setting boundaries?
- Does it matter if you are in public or around other people?
- How do you think it feels for a female friend to have her boundaries disrespected?
- What do you think it feels like when boundaries are respected?
Everybody has their own personal set of boundaries. It’s important that we respect other peoples’ boundaries and that we can set our own boundaries. We get mixed messages from the media that make it seem okay to disrespect peoples’ boundaries or that our own boundaries are not important. We also know it may be hard to set boundaries with someone who has more power because they are older, they have more money, they are physically bigger, or because they are more popular at school. But it is never okay to disrespect someone else’s boundaries or to have yours disrespected—and that’s one of our main messages for today. You all did a great job!!
Consent for Kids – Video on YouTube – You can watch it on you tablet, computer or cellphone
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3nhM9UlJjc